201

I'm finally not stuck at 205 anymore. Up until two days ago I still was. Yesterday I weighed in at about 203. This morning I hit 201.

This week was really bad. I plan to recover fully with this upcoming week, and be really strict.

Last Saturday was my work's party, and I ate whatever I wanted that day (including McDonalds for lunch and about 7 cosmopolitans at the party- yikes!) Sunday rolled around and it was the Superbowl party with my family. Not that I'm a football person, but we went anyway, and there was lots of bad food which I ate because, hell I was at a party. I shouldn't have done this. I should have stuck to veggies and water, but I didn't. Well, after two days of eating poorly, Monday rolled around and I didn't eat badly, but not very well either. I had to babysit my niece in the morning and I skipped exercising, went to Starbucks (all though I did get a non-fat drink, well, that wasn't much better). So you see, my week just started off bad. I almost lost my control and stopped this program. Midweek, I was feeling so guilty about my mistakes and the fact that for the 10th (or so) day in a row I was at 205 and it was my own darned problem- well, it almost made me quit all together. I started to feel helpless. But I slapped myself in the face emotionally and said, "Stop it. You are going to be so disgusted and disappointed in yourself if you let this become just another fruitless attempt at losing weight! You can do this, keep going, you've already lost 12 lbs!" So I did. And luckily, by the end of the week, I was seeing results again already.

But I do have something happy to tell to. First, well, I'm down to 201 despite my cheating earlier on this week. At lunch on Friday my work had a meeting and ordered Illegal Pete's (my favorite!) Those bitches. Plus, my work was paying for it, and I'd have to sit there in the meeting watching everyone else eat it.I had already brought my Healthy Choice microwave meal with only 5 grams of fat and like 250 calories, and I was tempted to order lunch with them. Really tempted. A couple of my co-workers tried to talk me into it. But then I remembered what I heard, those huge burritos can be like 900 calories. And I had exercised that morning, and after this kind of week, well I'll be damned if I'm going to let my guilty co-workers ruin it for me. So I refused, and I suffered through the smells of that yummy queso and steak and queso steak nachos and I ate my meal with water. And you know what? I felt really good about myself. I had the power to say no. That felt a lot better than it would have if I had given in to my cravings. I thought that yummy food would make me happy and I was denying myself some happiness. But the opposite happened. I knew I would have felt guilty in the end. Instead I felt empowered.