205

Woohoo! Another 2 lbs! That puts me at -12 lbs in 12 days.

Today is my "okay day" again, and I'm a little nervous. But last week didn't harm me at all so... I'll go ahead with it.

Yesterday I went over to my parents and saw my mom for the first time since I started this. She said right away that I looked thinner in my face. I was flattered but I also thought, well mom I haven't lost that much yet and you're probably just trying to find some difference. But she swore to me that I did. Later, my co-worker said the same thing when I told her I'd lost about ten pounds that week she said, "Yeah, you do kinda look thinner on your upper body."

Well, now I'm looking forward to what they'll say when I'm -20, -30, -40! One of the best parts about losing weight- I've found in the past and now- is when people start to notice and say, "You look great!"

I also have to admit, yesterday I began feeling a little discouraged actually. It's hard to describe the feeling but I started getting a little overwhelmed by how much I have to lose, and scared that the next 60-70 lbs won't come off as fast and I'll get sick of this and stop. As much joy as I've had already with losing so much so far, and my mom saying she's noticed, well it also weighs (no pun intended) on you a lot. Losing weight is a daunting task no matter how great it's going. It's why so many people in this country are obese. Losing weight and dieting is almost scary and risky. What if I just balloon back up after losing it all? What if I get pregnant next year and never lose the baby weight? There's all these what if's. But it's also made me consider how serious I am about this. When I'm back down to my goal weight, I can't just go back to my old lifestyle. I have to be a healthier person for good this time.

My plan is, to keep exercising. And yes, I'll eat the things I want. I'll eat cake at birthday parties. I'll have pancakes for breakfast sometimes. But I won't eat junk at every meal or close to it and I will exercise regularly. I just have to. I've realized in life: I'm just not the type of person who can stay thin easily. I have a body type that forces me to work at it.