207- again

That time of month has hit and it's hitting me really hard. PMS. It's even worse than my actual period. I've gotten bloated, my breasts are sore, and I'm having wild cravings. Cravings that, a month ago, I would have satisfied.

My weight is a little higher again. Should I attribute that to Sunday's eating? Or perhaps it's just one of the normal fluctuations with losing weight? Most likely, I think, it's from PMS. Or maybe a combination of all of that. Regardless, it's only 207, not 217.

Yesterday I woke up late and skipped exercising. I felt guilty the rest of the day for it. Today I exercise and ate well, but I am thinking about everything from cheesecake to bacon cheeseburgers. Oh my gosh those words are hard to write. I'm embarrassed to say, my mouth literally watered just typing that.

Oh well, I'm going to suppress my cravings and truck forward to Saturday. Saturday I'll have breakfast with my husband at Denny's (I know, but I'm craving it) before work. Probably satiate my bacon cheeseburger (swallow) craving at lunch (and I'll probably feel sick because of it later, which has happened the last two "okay days") and then our company party is that night. I'm going to eat what I want and drink rum and cokes and think nothing of it. Until Sunday morning, that is, when I'll be exercising and scarfing down yogurt and veggies rather than cheeseburgers.

It's crazy how attached to food we get. I comfort myself with food. I usually indulge in the same foods I ate as a child: Spaghetti Os, chocolate milk, mac & cheese. When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm depressed, I eat. When I'm out having fun with friends and family, I'm usually eating. This change so far has forced me to find other ways to get my kicks. Sex is one of them, I think ;) . This is hard. I have my good days and my bad days. Today is a bad day. Not because I've messed up, but because all day I've been tempted to.

But it's worth it. Right? Yes. It's worth it... I hope.