191

Almost into the 180s! My wedding ring is noticeably bigger on me. There was a point where I struggled to get it off. As I'm nearing my weight that I was at my wedding, I'm sure that fairly soon I'll have to get it resized.

I measured myself when I got home today because I changed in front of the mirror, and for the first real time I could really tell I was a little thinner. It's harder to tell on yourself, I think.

I won't list all the measurements here because I don't have much time, but I will say, that all over my body so far I've lost around 15 inches total! My hips probably lost the most, at -3 inches! Whoa.

Anyway, I have to report too that things are getting easier. It's easier to avoid junk food, to say no to cravings, to exercise in the morning. I rarely feel hungry anymore, I eat smaller portions. It's like my body has adapted so quickly and so well already.

ONE MORE THING! Today marks' my official one month mark! Woohoo! I'm down one month, and -20 lbs or so, and -15 inches. I'm feeling pretty good about my efforts at this point.

Starbucks...

Starbucks is my weakness. Luckily I've been able to avoid it pretty well lately. But I have discovered one drink that is only 90 calories! It's a mouthful, but when I'm tempted or when I meet my sister for coffee I now order a : tall non-fat Cinnamon Dolce latte with sugar free syrup and no whip. You can't beat a Starbucks drink with only 90 calories, zero fat, and it has 9 grams of protein!

193

It was such a nice surprise yesterday to discover my scale was skewed on the carpeting. Now, sooner than I had realized it could happen, I'm closer to 190 than 200.

Today my tummy looked and felt smaller in the mirror. I read yesterday on Oprah's website about an organ called your "omentum", which I had never heard of. I guess it's this fat storing organ in your belly, and it's the most important place to keep healthy. You can have fat on your thighs or arms and it doesn't harm you much, but if it's in your omentum, it's really damaging to your health. It made me think about my paunch. I always used to have a pretty flat stomach in high school, even when I was around 150, it wasn't very big. So anyway, I guess it's good that my tummy is shrinking, because that's supposed to be area that filters what goes to your heart and such.

You know when you see those people, particularly men, who aren't obese but they have a big beer gut? That's because only their omentum is collecting fat.

193... I guess that makes me 1 lbs away from being -20! Woohoo!

Goals & Plans

Sitting here thinking tonite about my progress already I am really getting excited about my goals, and how attainable they now seem. So I've decided to write down a list of things I'm going to do/ be happy about when I reach my goal weight. I'm excited thinking about these, and if in the coming weeks I get discouraged, I can come back and read them and maybe get a little motivation from them.

1. I'm going to buy a bikini. And actually wear it. In front of people. Even if I do have a little cellulite. I'll be proud of my figure because I worked so hard for it.
   
2. I'm going to wear lingerie for my husband without shame. For the first time ever.
3. I'm not going to be scared of going out in public and seeing someone I used to know before I gained all this weight. In fact, I'll probably look forward to it.
   
4. I'm going to burn my "fat jeans".
5. I'm going to feel 100% comfortable in shorts and tank tops again.
6. I'm going to go jogging around my neighborhood, for all to see.
7. I'm going to go to my doctor's office to get a check up... being about 50 lbs lighter than the last time she saw me. And I'll tell her just how healthy I am now.
   
8. I'm going to get hit on again. Maybe not every day, but I will. It used to happen fairly often. I'll probably pretend like I don't like the attention... ;)
   
9. I'm looking forward to not getting out of breath on a simple flight of stairs.
10. I won't make my husband leave the room when I'm changing anymore.
11. I'll feel much more comfortable with the thought of a surprise pregnancy, because I won't be scared of being nine months pregnant and almost three hundred pounds.
12. I'm going to get a new driver's license. This time without my double chin and not lying about my weight. I'll never be ashamed to show a waiter my ID again.
    
13. I'm going to pride myself on taking care of my body. I kinda already do...
14. I'm going to love looking at the "fat" pictures of myself that I hate seeing now. Because instead of it being a reminder of where I am, it will be a reminder of how far I've come.
15. I'll wear clothes that hug my curves, instead of clothes a size too big to try and hide them.
16. I'm going to let my husband carry me to bed. Just once.
17. I'm going to let, no encourage, my husband to put his hand on my tummy.
    
18. I'm going to believe them, for the first time in my life, when people say "You're not fat."
19. I won't be embarrassed of a few spider veins on my legs, or a little cellulite. They don't make you look fat, I've finally realized. Being fat makes you look fat.
20. I'm going to open the bottom drawer to my dresser, and wear my favorite clothes again.

That felt good to write.

195/200

BMI approximately 35

The title of this post might at first seem a little strange. No, I haven't lost 6 lbs since yesterday. But I kinda have...

I got a lovely little surprise this morning when I weighed in. I went and weighed myself, and I came in right at 200 lbs. This is great! 1 lbs lighter than yesterday. But then I remembered something my husband had told me the other day. He had told me that the scale said he was 5 lbs lighter when he weighed himself on a hard flat surface rather than our plush carpeting. So for kicks I took my scale downstairs to our hardwood floors and weighed myself there. Sure enough, I was at 195! This is great news. Of course, it doesn't mean I lost another 5 lbs, but it does mean that all along I was 5 lbs lighter than I'd thought. PLUS, it means I've achieved my first goal: to get below 200. I guess I had achieved it without even knowing it...

So I'm still at -17 lbs. But I'm already so uplifted by being under 200. Plus the fact that really I only have another 60 lbs or so to go until I'm at my goal. I've already done a third of that. Three more times, and I'm at my final goal weight! This is so exciting. I'm really starting to get excited for myself. The fact that I'm already almost down 20 lbs, and I'm already about 1/4 of the way through my weight loss is really starting to make me so happy.

I saw my parents on Saturday night. We went out to eat, and my mom had mentioned to me discreetly that I looked a little thinner (again). When I talked to her the next day she said that later at home my dad had said that I looked a little thinner (he didn't know I've been trying). It's nice to hear that partly because my dad isn't the most observant- or at least doesn't always mention things. Plus, he didn't know I was trying to lose weight (thus, he wasn't looking hard for a sign of weight loss and maybe forcing himself to see something that wasn't there.)

It's nice to hear. So far my parents are the only ones to say anything. My husband has hinted at it a couple times, but he's careful what he says around me ;)

I'm so excited!

201

I'm finally not stuck at 205 anymore. Up until two days ago I still was. Yesterday I weighed in at about 203. This morning I hit 201.

This week was really bad. I plan to recover fully with this upcoming week, and be really strict.

Last Saturday was my work's party, and I ate whatever I wanted that day (including McDonalds for lunch and about 7 cosmopolitans at the party- yikes!) Sunday rolled around and it was the Superbowl party with my family. Not that I'm a football person, but we went anyway, and there was lots of bad food which I ate because, hell I was at a party. I shouldn't have done this. I should have stuck to veggies and water, but I didn't. Well, after two days of eating poorly, Monday rolled around and I didn't eat badly, but not very well either. I had to babysit my niece in the morning and I skipped exercising, went to Starbucks (all though I did get a non-fat drink, well, that wasn't much better). So you see, my week just started off bad. I almost lost my control and stopped this program. Midweek, I was feeling so guilty about my mistakes and the fact that for the 10th (or so) day in a row I was at 205 and it was my own darned problem- well, it almost made me quit all together. I started to feel helpless. But I slapped myself in the face emotionally and said, "Stop it. You are going to be so disgusted and disappointed in yourself if you let this become just another fruitless attempt at losing weight! You can do this, keep going, you've already lost 12 lbs!" So I did. And luckily, by the end of the week, I was seeing results again already.

But I do have something happy to tell to. First, well, I'm down to 201 despite my cheating earlier on this week. At lunch on Friday my work had a meeting and ordered Illegal Pete's (my favorite!) Those bitches. Plus, my work was paying for it, and I'd have to sit there in the meeting watching everyone else eat it.I had already brought my Healthy Choice microwave meal with only 5 grams of fat and like 250 calories, and I was tempted to order lunch with them. Really tempted. A couple of my co-workers tried to talk me into it. But then I remembered what I heard, those huge burritos can be like 900 calories. And I had exercised that morning, and after this kind of week, well I'll be damned if I'm going to let my guilty co-workers ruin it for me. So I refused, and I suffered through the smells of that yummy queso and steak and queso steak nachos and I ate my meal with water. And you know what? I felt really good about myself. I had the power to say no. That felt a lot better than it would have if I had given in to my cravings. I thought that yummy food would make me happy and I was denying myself some happiness. But the opposite happened. I knew I would have felt guilty in the end. Instead I felt empowered.

205.... still?!

This morning I hit the same spot on the scale, only 205. It's a little frustrating to not see any progress all week. I weigh the same as I did last Sunday, yet I've been exercising and eating well all week. :(
Perhaps it is because of PMS? I hope so, because I don't expect to lose weight as quickly as I did the first two weeks, but to lose nothing at all during the third week is well, UGH!

I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Maybe I'm not doing anything wrong and my body is just being stubborn?

And now I'm even more worried about tomorrow. What if by not dieting and exercising tomorrow, I weight myself on Sunday and am back up to 207 or something? I'm just really frustrated right now, and irritable. It must be my PMS.